“Hijab Butch Blues” by Lamya H
When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher—her female teacher—she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can’t yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don’t matter, and it’s easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: When Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya?
From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own—ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant.
Review
I really enjoyed reading this memoir. I think the way Lamya uses stories from the Quran to make sense of her own story was interesting. I feel like I learned things from both her explanations of the stories in the Quran and her own life. I felt reading the memoir made me curious to hear other Muslim stories and experiences. I wish the author hadn’t had to write this anonymously but I understand why it had to be. Being anonymous actually gave the author more freedom to tell her own story and be unapologetically queer and Muslim.
In the version of the ebook I read there is an edited transcript of selected portions of an interview between Lamya H and Roxane Gay for the Audacious Book Club from March 30, 2023. I highly recommend reading that interview after reading the memoir as it provides some additional context and explanations.
Book Details
- Author’s Website
- Lamya H
- Publisher / Date
- The Dial Press, February 2023
- Genre
- Memoir
- Page Count
- 284
- Completion Date
- June 17, 2025